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I had the pleasure of speaking at the first Beyond Trauma Summit which took place online, in England today, 10th October 2024. It was to highlight mental health as being vital to women’s health. One of the aims was to recognise the wide variety of experiences women deal with and the difficulty it takes to seek help, even after being given a diagnosis.
Mayameen, the creator of the Beyond Trauma Program made us, the facilitators, the central theme of the summit, and for the first time, we shared our stories. None of us had heard each other's stories in the detail we were able to share before. What was powerful was the fact that our journey’s were not only strikingly different, they were inspirational to us as facilitators and, the audience were fully engaged and involved throughout the entire evening.
Deep insights, coupled with the fact that we had all been on this journey and I don’t think any of us identified it as trauma or PTSD while we were experiencing it. We all knew that diagnosing trauma and PTSD is extremely difficult and complicated. Much easier for a medical professional to write a prescription for an antidepressant than it is to figure out what’s really happening.
I myself found the program after I’d been attacked in November 2020, almost by luck, although there is no such thing as luck. One facilitator found the programme when she reached the end of her tether and after seeing her doctor who finally diagnosed her with PTSD. She then sought treatment for the symptoms she could not shake off.
We had all doubted our ability at one time or another in understanding what was happening but what was happening wasn’t leaving our minds and bodies. We couldn’t let go of the experiences and feelings we were having. We faced the million dollar statements that people experiencing trauma have to deal with:
No one will understand me if I tell them what I’m going through or feeling.
They’ll think I’m going crazy.
I think I’m going crazy.
As we shared our experiences, some of the themes that came to the surface included:
a Childbirth complexities and the many hidden dangers that accompany it.
b Having and coping with children through feelings of not knowing what we’re really
feeling and not being able to share or explain these experiences to anyone.
c Having children with special needs through this dilemma.
d Being removed from school as a pre-teen, so not being able to complete education and
then dealing with built up confusion, feelings, frustrations. Always feeling, ‘I’m not good
Enough’, not knowing any different but knowing she felt incomplete.
e Death or loss of a parent and stepping into the role of career/provider - having to take on
the role of the strong one.
f ANGER! The penultimate sin as a woman. Anger was often attached to themes 1 to e
It is even more complicated to figure out how to deal with the themes mentioned.
This is a very short list of themes but a poignant one nonetheless. Notice ANGER at the end. Women stepped into their truth and recognised this critical aspect of healing. It is misunderstood to the point of making the one who is angry into a villain, especially if the angry person happens to be a woman.
The simplest way to deal with that anger is to have the right coping mechanisms and related tools. Women shared that you don’t stop being angry immediately, in fact you’re likely to continue on the path a few more times but you are armed with the skills to know that while it is alright to be angry, the way in which you deal with it needs to change especially if you have children. The skills allow you to begin the journey of healing safely. Without the skills you don’t know you’re being angry and how much it is harming everyone, especially your children. It harms the person who’s being angry too.
For those of you in relationships, your partners are not a ball for you to bat out of the ballpark. They too need to feel safe from the wrath women can feel because that is how it is perceived if we don’t address it in the correct way. Women shared that as they found the skills to cope, they slowly changed their behaviors and their partners and children also felt the difference in the environment at home. The air became lighter, there was more joy and it was built slowly with problems recognised and apologies becoming a reality.
It seems so simple to understand but only those who have been through it know the truth.
Trauma and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) are so difficult to identify.
I experienced this first hand during my experience which led me to the Accident and Emergency Department in England. I shared details of my attack with the doctors and nurses who were absolutely wonderful, they were kind and did an excellent job in listening to all I had to say. This led to the need for them to take urine and blood samples from me and within a few short hours my tests had resulted in there being no problem with my physical body.
Trauma affects our mind and body in specific ways. Our urine and blood is not affected by trauma in a manner in which it can be diagnosed. What led to my trip to the A&E department was the impact of the trauma in my body resulting from changes relating to what was happening in my amygdala which had been activated and the fact that my adrenalin was wreaking havoc. My safety mechanisms had been activated somehow, I didn’t feel safe but, I didn’t know that then. If I had continued to have medical treatment I would never have known what was happening.
So what was different about the BeyondTrauma Program?
From my perspective, it’s an empowerment program that gives clients a deep understanding of the clusters within trauma, it explains how our safety mechanisms are impacted through trauma and the role of adrenalin. Two critical aspects in understanding trauma. It provides various coping mechanisms and teaches women how to apply the methods; when and why you should apply one method over another.
Each module has exercises that women can choose to do or not to do, it is their choice. My experience has been that anyone who has done the program with me has chosen to complete the exercises too. It becomes a personal journal for the woman on this journey. We encourage women to add pages to each module and I encourage people to put a date and time on every piece of work they do.
They themselves can see what they are experiencing. After all, in incidents that are related to us in a specific and particular way such as trauma, or domestic violence, the client is always the best at understanding how it will manifest itself and what format it is likely to take. Will the incident be related to child contact or will it be related to how someone behaves? These are two simple examples with complex outcomes, the potential to be triggered is infinite and this program enables clients to identify and recognise everything they cannot explain and then place it in the right place as they see it, not as a professional is dictating.
While we all want people who’ve experienced trauma to heal quickly, those of us in the midst of it know that trying to heal quickly is like placing a band-aid (plaster) over a cut that is so deep, it will only ooze worse the next time with even more dire consequences.
At the Beyond Trauma summit, we recognised how important it is to talk about our concerns in a safe place. Mayameen intends to hold monthly gatherings to enable this to take place and our team will continue to work diligently to serve and assist in whichever capacity we can. I’ve offered a small insight into the dynamism of the program. It is unlike any other that I have come across to date as the power is in the hands of the client, facilitators guide and serve.
Meet the expert:
Ruby RAJA is the Founder of Inshiraa.com a website providing free domestic violence and trauma information.
She became a Trauma-Informed Domestic Violence Trainer in 2006 and worked as a Probation Officer for 15+ years, in England, three of which were in Youth Offending.
Ruby authored, Healing from Narcissistic Abuse (coming soon). Her experience in the criminal justice system in the UK allowed her to provide holistic services to clients helping them navigate not only social services, health and education but also the courts, police and probation.
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