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Before I walked out onto that stage I felt as prepared as I could ever be. Yet, my hands were sweaty, my heart was pumping, and my knees were shaking.
I arrived at the podium and looked out onto a sea of about 400 faces. I thanked the person who introduced me, then the esteemed faculty and honored guests, and finally addressed my fellow graduating students at Saint Joseph College commencement exercises and launched into my speech.
That speech on leadership had been developed by me and then rewritten and/or edited at least a dozen times and critiqued by multiple professors. Then I rehearsed it until I knew every word and practiced exactly how I would deliver each note, like a song, to inspire and excite my listeners.
My talk only lasted 6 minutes and I felt great about the performance. Yet, when I watched th videotape of the event weeks later, everything seemed fine except when the camera intermittently scanned the audience. I saw not one smile. All the people seemed patiently waiting for it to be over. It looked like they thought I was the most boring person they ever heard.
This is how my mind was talking to me. And you might think maybe I was new at this. Maybe I was just graduating college in my early twenties. But no. I was 45 years old, getting my degree in Psychology, working in Human Resources at a Fortune 200 company, and had 20 years of experience in public speaking and 10 years of training others to speak.
In contrast, when I was 26 years old, I was the keynote speaker after dinner on a Saturday night at a 3-day Young People’s Convention in AA, with again about 450 people in the audience.
I purposely was completely and totally unprepared. I spoke for 45 minutes with no script, no practice and rehearsal. I had two years clean and sober and spoke about my experience, strength, and hope. I got a standing ovation. Crazy huh?
My point is that sometimes you feel like you nailed it and sometimes you think you bombed out. It’s how we judge ourselves that matters. If I had never watched that video of commencement and saw those blank faces I probably would have continued to think of that event as one of my greatest talks!
The convention talk felt wonderful and was a boost to my ego but I don’t remember a word of what I said and it didn’t feel like much of an accomplishment because I didn’t work hard at it.
It taught me something important. It showed me that I love public speaking, training,
storytelling, and connecting with my audience. That connection happens when I’m prepared but leave room to speak from my heart.
I was a member of Toastmasters International (TM) for about 10 years. TM is an international organization focused on leadership, communication, and public speaking. In those 10 years, I accomplished multiple designations (CTM, ATM & DTM), won speech contests, held officer positions in the club, area, and at the district level.
People join TM for two reasons:
1. They LOVE to speak
2. They HATE to speak (in public)
I was from the first club. I loved it! I also coached others and helped many people overcome their fear and hatred of speaking to others.
If you are reading this article, I’m guessing you already know the basics of speaking and have done some, if not a lot, of speaking to groups.
Therefore, I’m not going to talk about the basics. I’m going to talk about four parts of a mindset that will help you be the best at what you do.
And the more you do this thing called speaking/facilitating/training etc., the easier it becomes and the more confident you get.
In the 5 years leading up to the pandemic, I’d trained over 2,800 people from 150+ companies (I counted them). When the pandemic hit all the training classes were canceled and so were my speaking gigs at conferences. So I did what most entrepreneurs did, I made a pivot in my business. I became a digital course creator, a coach, a podcaster, an online facilitator and I spoke a lot on digital stages.
I’ve been a guest on about 100 podcasts since 2020.
However, speaking to a camera and posting videos on social media or speaking on podcasts is VERY different than speaking to a physical audience where you can see their expressions and feel their energy. I’m sure you would agree.
I’m not saying it’s better or worse, I’m just saying it is different. Still, the thing they both have in common is you and your message. So, how you say it, what you say, and the impact you can make is very real and super important.
You, as a speaker, are a very small minority of the population, and if you practice and are consistent, you can affect many who hear your message.
I will share my four-part mindset model of success which encompasses copious amounts of self- love and confidence.
You might be thinking: “Love of self? That sounds a bit narcissistic Maureen! Are you seriously saying that self-love is more important than the incredible content I have to share with my audience?”
Yes. Hear me out. This model applies to any goal in life but I’m going to apply it to public speaking since that is our focus. Here are the four parts of this mindset model.
1. Physiology – using your confident body to manage your state of mind
2. Inner Dialog – what you say to yourself on the regular
3. Beliefs – reinforce what you think is possible for you
4. Visualization – practice seeing the impact you can make and feeling grateful
Have you ever watched a speaker who was afraid to speak in front of an audience? You might see them sweating or standing stock still and maybe they are stumbling over their words.
They may forget what they are saying because their inner critic is telling them that they are blowing it.
They may even start telling the audience how nervous they are. It’s not fun to watch.
You may think you can do better, but remember the first time you got up in front of people? Remember how intimidating it was? Remember the nerves and anxiety? Don’t judge. Send them love as an audience member. But I digress.
What does a great public speaker look like? They exude confidence. They are articulate.
They seem to have great knowledge of their subject matter. They involve you, the audience. You may even feel like they are talking to you specifically, and there are times when you KNOW they are looking directly at YOU.
Does that happen the first time someone gets on stage?
Does it happen the second time or the third? Do you remember how many times you spoke or got up in front of a group and it felt normal and natural? I don’t. I still get nervous right before I begin. Those last 20 minutes before I go on stage are the worst! But once I start, I become self-actualized.
But I do know WHY people hate speaking. It’s because their mind is not focused on serving and delivering the message. It often instead, is focused on disempowering emotions such as worry that you’ll embarrass yourself, not be good enough, be judged by those in the audience, and maybe even be bridiculed.
These are deep beliefs rooted in the subconscious based on a fear that people won’t like us or will judge us as incompetent. Once you know this is where the fear comes from, you can overcome it. You can decide that it is NOT going to stop you.
You can work on these four things:
Physiology
If your goal is to be a better public speaker, then start acting more confident in everything you do.
Practice by watching other confident speakers. How do they hold their body? They usually have excellent posture. They stand tall and sure. Their shoulders are back and they might have a smile on their face and they look people in the eye. They hold their head up high. Maintain eye contact with an audience member for five seconds or even longer before switching to someone else. When you “act” confident, you will feel confident. This confidence will be reflected in your audience and how they respond to you. Your confidence is felt in your voice even if you are not being seen, like in an audio
podcast. Make sure you stand when you speak, even if people are not seeing you because that is also reflected in your energy and voice.
When speaking in person, on stages, at networking groups, conferences, etc. make sure you wear your favorite speaking clothes, the clothes that make you feel like a million bucks, comfy shoes, hair, and makeup all in alignment with your brand and how you want to be seen. How you present yourself physiologically can go a long way to building and feeling super confident in your body.
Your Inner Dialog
This is where self-love becomes apparent. What do confident people say to themselves in their mind, before and during the speech? Are they thinking negatively? No! They are thinking positively and using reinforcing statements like, “I can do this! The nervousness I’m feeling is really excitement. I’m so grateful to be here to pass on this incredible message I have to these people. This is going to change someone’s life out there!”
This is the kind of internal talk you do, both when you are preparing your talk, rehearsing your talk, and giving your talk. And frankly, whenever you notice negative self-talk, do your best to change it right when you notice it. Make it a priority to build your self-esteem and begin listening to your inner wisdom, and your intuition, which is always gentle and kind.
Beliefs The third part of this winning formula for becoming an expert public speaker is reforming your rules and beliefs about who you are and the view of your capabilities.
What is your definition of success? For me, it was this, “So long as at least one person in the audience gets something out of what I have to say then this talk has been a success.” We all make up our own rules about what success looks like. If you set high expectations of yourself you will most likely be disappointed. Remind yourself WHY you are doing this and focus on that.
Do you believe you can speak to the audience in a way that serves them at the highest level and share thoughts that will empower them? Are you coming from the perspective of how best you can serve here? This will get you out of fear and into gratitude for being able to gift people with what you have to share.
When you bump up against a belief that is not serving you, change it. A belief is simply a thought that you think over and over again. Pick out a new empowering belief, write it down, act as if you believe it and say it over and over in your mind every day until it becomes part of your identity.
Visualization This fourth part is to imagine your success and feel grateful for it. Whenever I’m working on a talk or getting ready for a gig, I say to myself “This is going to be so much fun!” Then I see a picture in my mind of me standing victorious and happy, having delivered the program and moved people into action. I allow myself to feel strong and capable. I hear the applause. I feel the smile on my face. I see the organizer handing me a check and giving me a hug or shaking my hand back stage. I remind myself that I help people and have chosen to follow my calling and get my message out there.
Visualize the event and you will feel more confident and certain of who you are as a speaker. You can use your physiology to create a state of certainty in your body. When you visualize your confidence, use your physiology to create certainty, and add positive inner dialog, and you will succeed.
So take charge of this four-part mindset success model to redefine and upgrade your excellence in public speaking or any other area of your life.
The Law of Conformity The law of conformity, also called the 95% law, says that regardless of what country you're from, 95% of people live in a disempowered state of mind, financially, emotionally, spiritually, and otherwise. This means that 5% of people in the world own the world, not just materialistically, but from a place of love, connection, growth, and contribution. Their model of the world supports them in being more fulfilled as each day goes on, regardless of the uncertainties, and the winds of change that life brings. They are not ruled by their fears.
I think many public speakers with a message of empowerment are part of that 5%. Only you, in your unique brilliance, can deliver your message to those who can use your help. Don’t be afraid of judgment, instead own your physiology and you’ll own your confidence. As you change your beliefs to be empowering, treat yourself with as much self-love as you can. Visualize your success and keep going even if you think you bombed out. You can help people and change lives.
Using this four-part model rarely happens by chance. It always happens by choice. This mindset will serve you at the highest level.
There are people out there who need to hear the special message that only you can deliver.
Keep working for your dreams and be the best leader and public speaker you can be because your contribution matters.
If you want help with creating more empowering beliefs or would like help with public speaking in you career, you can reach Maureen at http://emergeleadershipacademy.mvsite.app.
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Meet the author:
Maureen Ross Gemme is a keynote speaker, #1 best-selling author, leadership trainer, and coach. She's been speaking to the public for almost 40 years and wants to help leaders effectively get their message out to those they can help. Your contribution matters!
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